so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
