Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
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