We're like a lot better than the average bears
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Randomize
