i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
