so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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