I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
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