I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
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