none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Randomize
