I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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