This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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