new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
