i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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