My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
Randomize
