census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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