you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
