my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize