i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
