Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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