I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
