Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I got inside last night via doggy door
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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