Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
