she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
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