dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Randomize
