I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
