I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
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