Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
38 yer olds are good kisserssss
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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