The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
