end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Ladies don't puke and tell
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
