Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
