i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
