woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I don't trust a bar IN TENNESSEE that doesn't have Jack Daniels.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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