Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Randomize
