I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
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