apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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