So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
It's never too late to be topless.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
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