i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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