Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Randomize
