Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize
