I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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