Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
Randomize
