he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?