If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Btw, just wanna point out that you've hooked up with two guys whose birthdays are today. Congratulations, you have a type!
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?