guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
You were taking in your sleep. You were like Jess that's that animal we were talking about and you Hugged her feet
Floor bacon is actually really good
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
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