I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Randomize
