I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Last time I checked he was house sitting for his ex while she was out of town with some new dude. He was crying about how the guy told him to stay out of his whiskey while he was gone. That's whipped
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
