Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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