just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
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