I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
according to the video, you won you first drunken karaoke contest based off of your actual singing abilities and not because you took your shirt! I've never been prouder :)
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Randomize
