i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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