I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
She puked her nose ring out of her face.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
