She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
