I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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