Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
turns out gay frats are just like normal frats, only with more v-necks
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
