watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
So Saturday night after 10 drinks I guess he tried to have sex with me and in the middle of it I asked "can you tell I'm faking it!?" and then I sat up and threw up in my hand. That's a sex Win in my books
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
