Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Two words: nipple clamps
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