Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Randomize
