i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
soo... how was my night?
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