If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
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