he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize
