then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
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