Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Thank you for letting me get drunk enough to forget he was there tonight, but not drunk enough to make a complete fool of myself.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
