he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
