just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
