Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize
