Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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