I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
He? As in you personified your dick?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
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