I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Spotify knows me way to well. You mention swinger club and guess what it shuffles to? Danger Zone by Kenny Loggins
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
