This is not my ceiling
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
We just broke up and deleting his dick pics is the hardest thing I've ever had to do.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
