At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
love makes seman taste better
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
Randomize
