he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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