when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
