so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
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