OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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