what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
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