it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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