im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
