theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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